Bear Attack!!

Today was the first day the cold seemed unbearable. It wasn't even like it was the coldest day, but my sense of awe was lost and replaced with the bitter chill of the morning air. Saturdays I wake up at 5:15am, roll out of bed in the same clothes from the night before, make a cup of coffee, and trek up to the "mother ship". Usually, I mentally prepare for this ordeal, but this morning was different. I was so warm in my bed. It was like someone picked me up from my fluffy mattress (this of course is in my dreams, because in reality I sleep with no blankets, a dead beat pillow, and an inch thick mattress on the top bunk) and threw me in a tub of ice water...in the dark.

Then as I'm walking I hear this rustling sound coming from the dumpsters and my imagination ran wild. In that moment I decided that I was a goner. The bear would surely attack and I would then freeze to death on the payment. I debated if I should run, but then glanced down at my coffee in my hand and decided I'd rather save the coffee. That's love.

Fun note: It's apparently hunting season here in the Berkshires, so we are encouraged to wear bright clothing so we don't get hunted....I have a black jacket.

Mother May I?
I watch the sunrise on these proverbial eyes
My tears are no match for the solemn rain
Grey skies of a simple winter morning
Let's rejoice in that I am alive she says
Let's cry because I am alive I say
Let us pray so we don't go through this again

"It is the darkest hour, the hour before the dawn". This is when something immense happens. You can't go back, and you can't go forward in the same way. I have been having these epic dreams about death, specifically my death. At first, I was sad and a little frightened. Once I could step back from these emotional ties I had placed around the idea of death, it hasn't seemed so scary. I feel more at peace with it, thinking of death as only room to breath new life. I have some baggage I am still carrying around with me, and I am starting to feel comfortable unpacking it little by little. Using the witness consciousness I can began to notice the difference between reality and stories, light heartily.

Dharma Mittra spoke a lot on the idea of death and reincarnation. His teacher told him, if you truly love someone they will be born with you again, and if you still need to learn a specific lesson from someone, they too will be with you again. I have been contemplating my relationships with people and what I have to learn from each. Certain characteristics in my dating partners have always been present. Now, I find myself completing avoiding people with those traits, because I have been hurt so bad. I have been trying to step back, and evaluate what attracts and repulses me from certain people. There is much to learn there.

"I don't have the answers to those questions anymore. only love can be both heaven and hell." Self-inquiry is not easy and is sometimes a painful process. It is only through this that we can get out of the patterns that takes us down the dreaded spiral. Maybe next time these patterns arise, I may treat them like greeting an old friend. I am trying to get to a place of simplicity and clarity, so as to transform my life to help others.



Hmmm...such a serious post!
On a lighter note: there has been much hula hooping, tons of dancing!, handstands, drumming, singing, vegan chocolate cake, laughing, Capoeira, ridiculous photo shoots, nature hikes, and just plain holding space for friends to be themselves.

Thinking of all of my friends and family... sending much love XXXOOO
Here is my mailing address: feel free to send birthday cookies ;0)
Nikki Prock
Kripalu Center c/o Path
PO box 309
57 Interlaken Rd.
Stockbridge, MA 01262

Special shout-out to Mema for the singing birthday card, Joyce for the inspirational card/note, Jay and Christina for being pirates and making me giggle like a little school girl, and mom/pops for the classy hula hoop! Yal rock :0)